Agenda

Today:

went to a mid-morning birthday party for a cute little nephew

sewed a superman logo

attended oldest daughter's student of the month assembly

assembled halloween costumes for three of the cutest people on earth

concocted costumes for the husband and myself

This evening we will:

attend our church fall festival

over indulge on cupcakes and candy

fall into bed with smiles on our faces

Tomorrow we will:

make the journey to grandma's house for homemade donuts and trick-or-treating

HaPpY hAlLoWeEn to you and your little spooks!

Chasing Motherhood- Part III

This is the third and final part in my journey - if you would like to catch up on the whole story, go here and here.

Every day of my pregnancy I felt like I was the first woman to ever be pregnant. I felt so privileged. Even through all the sickness. It was an honor and a sacred trust to carry a baby.

Our first daughter made her entrance into this world on the 4th of July 2002. Just barely under 6 years after our marriage began. I was just shy of my 30th birthday. The birthday that I had planned to have been done having children.

At one time when I was growing up, my mother had expressed to me how she had been intimidated by my little spirit when I was born. I never quite understood what she meant. Until that Independence Day in 2002.

As soon as I held that tiny infant in my arms, tears streaming down my face, I knew what my mother had attempted to express to me. I felt unworthy to be a mother to one of Heavenly Father's valiant children. I knew my sweet newborn daughter had been reserved for these last days- and I knew that her spirit was special. How then could I be her mother? Wasn't it she who should be the mother and I the one to learn from her? It was a tangible weight placed upon my shoulders with the entrance of this little one.

We took her home from the hospital not knowing what to expect, just knowing that our lives were changed forever.

Although I loved my baby, I wondered where that thing was that people talked about. That thing called motherhood. More specifically, where was the joy that comes from being a mother? The love of motherhood. I thought it was a part of the deal. That it came the moment you had a baby. For me it didn't.

The husband had a weighty church calling, worked long hours and traveled often for his job. It seemed we rarely saw each other the first year of our little one's life. I soon tired of our arrangement and poured my tired mother's heart out to my Heavenly Father one evening. I told him how difficult I was finding motherhood. How I felt like the husband was never home. How his calling required so much of him.

It was a prayer with an immediate answer. Heavenly Father asked me, "How can I entrust your husband with more if you can't support him now? I need him. He will do much good if I can use him. Please, let me use him."

I couldn't argue with that. I softened my heart, supported the husband, and found the burden eased.

Soon we were blessed with another miracle pregnancy. We couldn't believe it. 21 months after our little firecracker was born, we were blessed with another daughter. Born on her very own grandma's birthday.

The transition to two children was difficult. I could not find a balance. I couldn't settle into a routine.

We put our home up for sale and purchased another so we could have a little growing room. Our home sold more quickly than we anticipated and we found ourselves moving back into my parents home while we waited for our home to be finished being built.

It was a relief living with my mom and dad. They helped ease the burden of the newness of two little people who depended on me for everything.

Soon our home was completed and we moved into our new home which was 45 minutes away from our closest family. I felt isolated. Alone. With two small babies. Still, the husband worked impossible hours. And he accepted another calling that required much of him. And I felt myself allowing him to serve. Allowing Heavenly Father to use him. And we were blessed.

But the weight of motherhood did not lessen. I found two children extremely taxing. I was tired. I was frustrated. And I was not enjoying it. There were some moments that I enjoyed, but I knew that it was possible to enjoy the whole package. And I didn't. I felt guilty. I had worked so hard to even have children. Why didn't I just love being a mom? I felt ungrateful. I was ashamed. It was a chore.

I wasn't sure of very many things at this point in my life, other than I knew that the gospel is true and I knew that I didn't want to have any more children. One evening I expressed those feelings to the husband. I told him I didn't think I could do it again.

I was pregnant within a few weeks.

I trusted in Heavenly Father. I knew he wouldn't give me anything greater than I could bear. So I continued praying for the strength to be a good mother and prayed that I could love motherhood.

One afternoon I was sitting on the couch in my family room- my two daughters playing with blocks on the floor. As I watched them sharing blocks back and forth, an overwhelming peace flooded me. In an instant, I loved motherhood. I loved everything that came with it. I loved the two little ones I had now and the one that was growing within me. I loved every little thing about every little thing that went along with being a mother.

And I cried. And I thanked Heavenly Father for the blessing of that moment.

And I've never looked back. It was a turning point in my life.

Our son was born not long after. And he brought the joy I knew a baby should.

Two years ago this coming Thanksgiving, I had a miscarriage. I was blessed with peace and the support of a loving husband. We have not been able to conceive since, and I wonder if three children is all we will be blessed with. If so, I feel blessed. We have three children! Three! In the beginning we didn't think that would be possible. And I am grateful to love being a mother.

And that's the whole point of this series. When I taught that parenting class all those weeks ago, in closing I bore my testimony and my final statement went something like this: "I am grateful for mothers. I am grateful to be a mother. I love being a mother- which is something I haven't always been able to say."

And it struck a chord with other women in the room that night. And many of them have approached me and we have shared tears as we have discussed the feeling of being alone in not fully enjoying motherhood.

What a blessing for those women who find joy in motherhood without this kind of search.

Today I can honestly and sincerely say that being a mom is the best thing I have ever done. And it fulfills me. I find joy in my children. They are my very favorite people.

I have grown into motherhood and I love it. I learned that one of my biggest problems was that I was chasing motherhood. And what happens when you chase something? It runs the opposite direction. I had to learn to be still and that's when truly loving motherhood came to me.

I must say it's the best game of chase I've ever played. And now that we've caught each other, I think motherhood looks good on me.

Tune In Tuesday

Welcome to Tune In Tuesday!

Today you are in for a real treat.

I have Holly here from if i were really skinny...

She is one of those cute little delightful girls

that I picture living in the Big Apple itself-

one of those girls that you would love to be friends with in real life.

She is an icy cold Diet Coke drinking,

Gossip Girl watching,

Facebook checking,

deep thought thinking,

hard working,

trend setting,

brilliant

little fashionista.

Read her post here and then head on over to her place and

Swap Howdies!

I think you'll agree that her honesty is refreshing

and her openness intoxicating.

Thanks, Holly, for teaching us about the trees.

After a little exchange with a coworker a few weeks ago that led to the conclusion that some of us are just living on hope (deep water cooler discussions at the PR firm, no?), I’ve been thinking about it more and more.

In high school and college I had what we Mormons would call “the opportunity” to experience depression.

Not. Fun.

But . . .

Oh how enlightening it was.

I remember getting the tree advice in high school.

The tree advice?

The tree advice.

Someone I trust told me that when things seem bad, that it’s ok to tell yourself, “You know what? Tomorrow’s going to be better.” But she also encouraged me to look for something small that brought me joy. She remembered a hard time in her life when just seeing a beautiful tree in her neighbor’s yard brought her a little happiness. This simple beautiful thing was her bright spot in her present to tide her over to her happier future.

There were years where I had to do this a lot. It’s complicated enough to be a woman, without adding depression to the mix. It’s a widespread issue though, and I’d bet that plenty of you know what I mean.

Can I get an amen?

So taking the tree advice into consideration and taking my Prozac every day, I looked for “trees” wherever I could, using the chemical powers of my little pill.

Tree number one: My Prozac pills were a perfect shade of Tiffany box blue.

But even with the pretty capsules, The O.C. and large, icy Diet Cokes, I had plenty of days where I honestly felt that the only reason I was still showing up for class/church/social engagements was the hope that someday in the future, I would feel better.

Well, the prayers and the pills worked. I’ve been a happy girl for the past three years and I feel oh-so-optimistic about my life.

A veritable forest of a life.

Hallelujah!

But still I find myself balancing my perspective with hope for the future and joy in the now. I think that like my coworker, I live on hope.

But I keep looking for trees.

I think that in a huge way, my depression taught me how to be happy. I’m gentler with myself and push myself harder. I allow myself my sad days and worry, and I make no apologies for my joys. We live in a world where people punish themselves for their imperfections to the point that they become crippled to improve on those weaknesses. We walk among people who believe they don’t deserve to be happy. We all have friends or loved ones who believe their lives will be complete once they have the looks or things or money that they think they ought to have – things they see other people with.

It’s madness, people. If we’re looking into the future to a day when we’ll finally be happy, that day may never come.

You do realize that . . . right?

If we can’t find any trees now, why do we think we'll be able to find them later?

But if we find enough trees . . . who knows? Today could be the happy future we’ve been hoping for all along.

*** Don't forget to come back tomorrow for the conclusion to my series Chasing Motherhood. If by chance you missed the first two parts in the series, go here and here to catch up.

This Week's 5-Day Forecast

Monday:

Partly funny with a chance of boring.

Tuesday:

Mostly raw with a chance of connecting to an amazing guest blogger.

Wednesday:

Look for 100% chance of wrap-up to the series Chasing Motherhood.

Thursday:

Possible clear blog, with little chance of words out of the southwest.

Friday:

Watch for late afternoon to early evening posts, shouldn't interfere with your plans.

a little no thank you

Dear Facebook,

It seems my thank you letter was a teensy premature.

What are you thinking? A new format?

No Thank You.

Where's that DISLIKE button?

Cordially,

Stephanie

Rise and Shout!!

It's Homecoming!!

Do you know where your BYU Cougars are?

Click here for a link to Cougars season schedule

In Provo. Duh!?!

The #16 Cougars

are taking on the Horned Frogs of TCU.

(whose mascot looks like a pokemon character- I wonder how much damage he has)

Go Cougs!

BYU Loses.

BYU 7 TCU 38

Howdy Mamm.

I'm here to tell you sisters, the mammogram is NTBAD (looks like not bad, but what it really means is Not That Big A Deal). Seriously, this is how it goes:

• you walk in and get your paperwork
• fill it out
• hand the receptionist your insurance card
• watch a little "Enchanted" while you wait
• listen to the lady beside you have 3 separate phone conversations in the short span of 5 minutes
• when the lady is done asking her friend on the phone to watch her kids while she and her hubby go to Williams, AZ-- be sure to know what movie is playing, because she may ask you if you have kids and if you know what that movie is- because she has never seen it and isn't sure what it is called, but she would have been up all night trying to remember what the name of it was, so Thank You, you saved her the trouble of staying up all night
• the lady will also keep you abreast :) of the whole waiting room situation
• she will tell you, with a shake of the head, that the little 15 year old girl who just walked out was here for an ultrasound
• you will want to defend the girl's honor and tell her that ultrasounds are used to diagnose many things beside pregnancy, but you just can't get a word in edgewise
• then your name will be called and you will follow a nice, nice lady down the hall to the digital mammography room
• she will tell you to remove your shirt and bra and put on the pink gown- open in front
• when she leaves the room, you make the change
• she comes back in and invites you to step up to the machine
• an apology for the coldness of the machine will soon follow her placing your right breast on a little metal shelf that she will raise to breast-height
• and then she will lower a top shelf and tell you to let her know if it is too tight or hurts
• you will notice that it is a snug fit, but there is no pain
• and she will tell you to take a big breath and be still while the machine captures the image
• all the while she is extolling the virtues of this new technology of digital mammography imaging
• and you are agreeing that it is amazing and that she can see right away if an image is unclear so you don't have to wait for films to be developed and find that the process has to be repeated
• of course the left breast receives equal treatment
• once she has taken ample pictures of your husband's assets, she will invite you to get dressed, have a cookie, and fill out a survey
• as you dress, you will decide if you want a chocolate cookie with pink m&m's or just plain chocolate chip
• fill out the survey, being sure to comment on how pleasant the lady was and how much you liked her
• eat your plain chocolate chip cookie
• you are done. until next year when you receive the postcard in the mail that you printed your address on when you filled out the paperwork
• your results will be sent to your OB/GYN in about a week
• since one of the forms you filled out mentioned that you may request a copy of the films, you should do so- because the husband would like his very own copy to peruse- and why not? they did look pretty good up on that monitor

See? Easy Peasy.

Time for Play

I don't know about you,

but I think it has been a little serious

around here for the past couple days.

So I think I'll mix it up.

Just a bit.

With a little silliness.

This is the agenda:

a question

and

a little randomness to follow.

Question:

What did you do last night?

We did this:

Yep, it's October here, too.

And we're letting our kids run through fountains

at 7:00 at night.

I love Arizona in the fall!

A little randomness:

Because the husband is extremely interested

in protecting his assets,

I am scheduled

for a mammogram this afternoon.

My first ever.

I'll letcha know how it goes.

****Stay tuned for the final installment in my series Chasing Motherhood

Chasing Motherhood- Part II

This post is the second in a three-part series. For part one, click here. And, for those of you who were thinking you were going to have to wait till next Tuesday to hear more--- Surprise!

Our little U-Haul carried us all the way to the Valley of the Sun during the very pit of summer. We settled in with my parents while the husband began the search for employment.

We were excited to be venturing out into the real world and real life. I had the privilege of working for my dad at his cabinet shop. And I loved spending my lunch hour with him and reconnecting. And I was reminded of the giant of a man that he was. Giant in humor. Giant in love. Giant in happiness. Giant in kindness. Giant in Spirituality. I found that my dad reminded me a lot of the husband. And I knew I couldn't have been blessed with a greater husband- because I knew that, much like my dad, he would be a Giant for our children.

The husband found employment and we were thrilled with the prospects of his $28,000 salary. Big bucks compared to our student income and it meant that we could buy a home. And we did- on a quiet little cul de sac- with a tiny little back yard and a perfect spot on the south for a garden.

We designated one of the little rooms as a nursery. And waited for a little bundle to fill it.

My sister gave me the name of a fertility specialist and I made an appointment to see him right away. He ordered blood tests and ultrasounds to determine the cause of my infertility and explained that because I had already taken a few rounds of fertility medication, I ran the risk of being unable to conceive at all since the original problem was not properly diagnosed.

All along the way I felt peace. I never worried or stressed when others got pregnant or when we realized at the end of the month that we were not. I knew that Heavenly Father was in control and He would somehow make it up to us- whether now or later, I didn't know. But I knew for sure there was something I needed to learn before I had children.

Ultimately I underwent laproscopic surgery to deal with ovarian cysts, endometriosis, a collapsed fallopian tube and a couple other problems. The doctor explained that if I wasn't pregnant within six months of the surgery, it would need to be repeated- and even then there was no guarantee.

Six months passed and the husband and I invited our families to join us in a fast that the Lord would work His miracles for us and help us know how to proceed. It was powerful for the husband and me as we drew upon our families' strength and trusted that we would be blessed.

We met with a couple in our ward who were unable to have children, but had adopted three boys. We talked to them about adoption and the long process it is. They graciously answered our questions and addressed our concerns and listened as we cried and poured our hearts out to them.

The husband had a hard time embracing the idea of adoption, but after the fast, we determined that we would begin the adoption process.

The first day we met with our case worker at LDS Family Services, I was overcome by the spirit of the work done within those walls. I knew that there was a greater power involved in placing these little infants into loving families than what our case worker possessed, and I knew Heavenly Father helped these young women find the right parents for their babies.

We told our case worker a little about ourselves and he gave us a big packet of information, and told us that he thought we would probably be pregnant within six months, but go ahead and get all the paperwork taken care of. Obviously, he wasn't paying very close attention to our story.

And so we dove in. We solicited letters of recommendation from friends. We wrote letters to birth mothers. We filled out personal histories. We made scrapbook pages for the birth mothers to look at. We started background checks. We prayed for that little girl who was pregnant, in the midst of her darkest days, and about to turn her baby over to a family she didn't know yet. We prayed that she would have courage, that she would feel our appreciation, that she would feel the Savior's love and heal through His Atonement. We made the initial payment.

And then it came down to getting our fingerprints- the final document in the stack. For some reason I was dragging my feet on this last checklist item. I had been on a roll with every other step in the game, but just couldn't get going on the fingerprints. And really, the fingerprints were the key in getting the whole ball rolling. Once the fingerprinting was complete, final payment was due and within 60 days, (if my memory serves me) our paperwork and scrapbook pages and letter could be released for birth mothers to view.

We were at my parents' home one Sunday and I was telling my mom about the paperwork and where we were in the game, and in the next breath told her that I had not been feeling well and that some of the symptoms I had been experiencing before surgery, 10 months earlier, seemed to be returning. I explained that I had been feeling nauseous and I was experiencing strange cramping in my stomach.

She didn't need to hear anymore. She told me I was pregnant. I was a bit surprised. I denied it, because I knew pregnancy was not possible and the thought had not even entered my head. That was all that was said.

For some reason I had the day off Monday and couldn't get my mom's hypothesis out of my head. Naturally I went to the drug store and purchased a pregnancy test and came home and promptly performed the test. (do you perform a pregnancy test? what is the proper term for that one?) And in three minutes, there were two distinct pink lines in the 'positive result' window.

I just knew I had not performed the test correctly. Either that or the test was surely defective. There was no possible way I could be pregnant, right? I was 10 months post-surgery. We were in the middle of adopting a baby. I spent the next half hour reading and re-reading the test instructions. And by all indications, it seemed I had followed the steps correctly and it could be possible the result was correct.

When the husband arrived home from work that evening, I took him straight to the bathroom and presented him with the little white wand with the two pink lines.

It seemed that we were going to have a baby.

Chasing Motherhood- Part I

Welcome to

Tune In Tuesday!!

As promised,

I have jotted down some of

my thoughts on motherhood.

Let's get started,

shall we?

I have been contemplating writing this post for over two months now. And I am continually haunted by the text that plays across the computer screen in my mind. The little ghost of this post just won't leave me alone. So I have decided to write it- and let that little ghost rest. In peace, I hope.

The idea for this post was born from the parenting class I taught just about two months ago. Really, it was born from the very last thing I said in that class- and people keep talking to me about it. And I have finally come to realize that others have had the same feelings. And I know that the evolution of it cannot be contained in one post. Enter my first three part series.

I have always wanted to be a mother. To raise a family. I think that it must be because I have an angel mother- one who is the epitome of all that a mother should be. Good examples truly inspire. And so, as I grew up, my greatest desire was to be a mother. And it probably didn't hurt that I was raised in a loving family- two parents who respected and loved one another and seven children who they gathered under their wings.

I genuinely love my siblings. They are my best friends in the world. We get along well. We want to be around each other. And we laugh together. A lot. And they are my biggest role models. I don't know how I lucked out to be in a family with them.

Growing up, when I was asked how many children I wanted, my usual response was "How ever many the Lord blesses me with." And that's how I truly felt.

In my mind, that meant that I wanted many children. No number to limit myself- just a quiver full of children. Whatever that meant. And I wanted to have them close together and be done by age 30. So I could be a young, fun mom. I didn't know that it would take me years after I was married to be blessed with children.

The husband and I were married in 1996.

He also came from a large family- six children. A family where, much like mine, gospel principles were taught and love overflowed out the front door, onto the street and down the hill.

Naturally, both of us had desires for a family, but we were both students at Brigham Young University in Provo, Utah, when we married and decided to wait just a bit before we began the quest for children. And so we did. Waited just a bit. 6 months to be exact. That's all we could handle before we felt that need to get started. We expected to be pregnant right away. Like the next day, I think. And we weren't. But we were not discouraged, we kept practicing. And practicing. We enjoyed it.

Pretty soon we were celebrating our first anniversary. Yet to have our first argument. Still in school. I was working 2 jobs and the husband was working 3. But, no pregnancy. And we were ok with it. We kept telling ourselves that practice makes perfect, and we pressed on.

Before we knew it, I graduated and started a new job working at a treatment center that treated women with eating disorders. It was the most rewarding work I had ever done in my life. I was inspired and educated every day I worked. It was a blessing in my life to associate with these amazing people- the patients and those who worked there. And it was the first indication I had that I was raised in an atypical family. And I knew that the world desperately needed more families like the one I was a part of. And my resolve to provide such a family was strengthened.

Not long after, the husband graduated and began searching for permanent employment while fulfilling his commitment to an internship. We moved from our little community of married student housing into the town of the husband's youth and the home of the husband's grandmother. She had been battling Alzheimer's and was finally moved to a care facility, leaving her home empty and needing someone to occupy it.

We lived just down the hill from the husband's parents and had the pleasure of visiting them more frequently. Although, we had been spending Monday evenings with them for Family Home Evening (and laundry) since the early days of our happily ever after.

As for our little family, it was still just the two of us. And I had begun fertility medications in the hopes that we would soon be blessed with a little bundle.

But the stork was slow in coming.

And here we were, celebrating our 4th anniversary. Where had the time gone?

Soon the internship was completed and the husband began searching for employment in earnest. And it was decided we would move to Phoenix. I was thrilled to be moving "home," since my family all resided in the Phoenix area.

In preparation for the move, we sold our old red Ford Ranger, gave our plaid couches and iron to the neighbors (whom the husband was convinced were participants in the witness relocation program), packed up the U-Haul and bid farewell to the college town I had come to love, anticipating real life and the adventures that were sure to accompany it.

a little thank you

Dear Facebook,

It's time someone wrote you a little thank you note. I will do the honors.

Thank you for telling me that all my friends are closet farmers. When I decide to be a farmer and get some chickens, I have 216 people who can give me advice. And maybe they will send a little gift my way. And probably ask for one in return.

Thank you for suggesting people that I can be friends with. Even if they don't know me.

Thank you for encouraging my friends to be members of the mafia. I don't think they could have gotten in if someone else hadn't invited them. I think some of them are pretty successful kingpins.

Thank you for providing a wall that people can actually write on. Because heaven knows that I would never allow that in my own home.

Thank you for letting me know all my girlfriends' maiden names. When their kiddos are grown, I will have all their security passwords.

Thank you for keeping me posted on what some of them are doing at all hours of the day and night.

Thank you for letting them post pictures of me and tag me in them so that anyone can access them.

Thank you for allowing me to tell people when I like something that they said. Do you have a dislike button in the works?

Thank you for reminding me when my friends' birthdays are. It's very convenient to slap a little greeting on their wall.

Thank you for letting me poke someone without hurting them or getting in trouble.

Thank you for reconnecting me with people I haven't seen in decades.

Thank you for having a quiz to let me know which Saved By the Bell character I am most like.

Thank you for letting me be friends with my nephews and nieces.

Thank you for keeping me apprised of the swine flu situation in my friends' homes.

Thank you for helping me designate friends and family members.

Thank you for providing a way for me to be a fan of just about anything.

Thank you for having a space that I could go and remind people to Tune in Tuesday to my little blog if I felt the need.

Thank you for always being willing to listen to what is on my mind.

And that's just the tip of the proverbial iceberg. What did we ever do without you?

Love,

Me

***Tune In Tuesday for the first in a three part series on my thoughts regarding motherhood.

Rise and Shout!!

It's Game Day!!

Do you know where your BYU Cougars are?

Click here for a link to Cougars season schedule

The #18 Cougars are in San Diego

taking on the Aztecs of San Diego State.

Another Cougar Victory!

BYU 38 SDSU 28

Tune In Tuesday

It's such a treat for me to introduce to you

one of the first women I met

when I started blogging.

Many of you may know her as

The Head Eagle

over at

An Eagles View.

Did you know:

she packs heat

she has a purse addiction

she has two darling boys and a beautiful little angel daughter in heaven and a husband

she's a busy mommy

at one point she was managing multiple blogs-- successfully

she crochets

she's a Ute fan

tomorrow is her birthday!!

I have loved getting to know her through blogging.

Sit back, enjoy her post

and then go on over to her place

and swap howdies.

And go back often!

She likes me…really really likes me.. Those were the thoughts that crossed my mind when Stephanie asked me to write a guest post. Either that, or she is at the end of the list. I would like to think that the latter is not the case. Regardless, I am honored to be posting here today. I blog, for so very many reasons. I’ve learned a lot over the course of my blogging days and I’ve been grateful for every opportunity that it has afforded me.

Blogging with a Cause

Because it is blogging that has brought me here today –as a guest blogger, I thought the topic of ‘Why I blog’, seemed quite appropriate.

I began this journey, very unsuspecting of what I would find. I originally created this little space of mine, as a way to share our family happenings with friends and family. However, something much greater has kept me blogging.

That something great is not so much what I do for my blog, but what it does for me…

My blog provides me with a creative outlet, a way for me to express myself endlessly. Despite the fact that I have finally settled in with my blogs look and layout, I continue to express myself through my writing. It has been said –by those that know me best, that if you really want to see me, you come here….or in today’s instance…there (read: my blog). Although I continue to share our family happenings, my style of doing so is very much my own. All of it done with a good healthy dose of me, and expressions of who I am.

More important, is the fact that my blog is a reminder that this world is much smaller than is seems. There have been many times –as a working mother/sometimes single mother, that I have felt very alone. It takes only one or two clicks-away from my own blog, that I realize my feelings to be far from fact. Because the fact is, there are mothers everywhere –just like me, dealing with runny noses, late nights and potty training. It is these same mothers that have gone from just fellow bloggers to friends.

I never could have imagined the lessons I would learn, or the people I would meet through blogging. The lessons learned, life changing; and the genuine friendships, Priceless. Blogging truly enriches my life, everyday. Making the lessons learned and the friendships forged, the exact reason 'Why I Blog'.

Boxes

The husband was in New Jersey last week. I was missing him something fierce. It never feels right to go to bed alone when he is gone. He returned early Saturday morning, while the moon was high in the sky and I was long past sleep's doorstep.

He took a peek at the fairy garden by moonlight and then came up to bed. The children were beyond excited to surprise him with it upon his return and I made him vow to be surprised when they showed it to him in the morning. He stood back and gave proper admiration. And told us it was a job well done.

And then I was off to spend all day Saturday without the man I had just reunited with. And I missed him again. Something fierce.

The husband and I have not spent a Saturday together in over three months. I'm aching for a Saturday spent with him. But, I have felt the blessings flow as we have sacrificed our Saturdays.

He has had a three month calling as a veil worker in the temple and it ended just two weeks ago. When this calling was first issued, I must admit I was a little Bitter Betty. I found myself wondering why he was blessed with such a calling? Why was I not able to receive such a calling? Wasn't he already serving enough? Was the Lord really requiring him to spend more time away from our little family?

And, it took a couple weeks for me to humble myself enough to be open to the blessings that were just waiting. Like, I think the Lord had a box full of them with a giant label that said,

"Not to be opened until attitude improves."

And I found myself one night, kneeling beside my bed, praying that I was" grateful for the husband's opportunity to be in the temple each week. And would you please allow me to feel the blessings that temple service brings?"

And the box opened. And poured down blessings on our family. And even greater blessings on our marriage. Our relationship grew in ways that I didn't ever know I wanted or needed, but I truly appreciated. And, how did He know?

I had murmured. I doubted. I pouted. I begrudged. And still the Lord boxed up a few blessings and sent them my way. Who does that? Who gives even when the recipient has not shown any indication of being deserving? I was spiritually spanked. And truly humbled.

I never knew I could receive the blessings of the temple just by allowing my very own husband to serve there. And I'm just a little bit sad that his calling has ended.

I have a feeling there may be a lot more boxes out there.

And some of them have my name on them. I hope the tags say,

"Attitude much improved. Open any time."

Tune in Tuesday to meet an awesome blogger!

Rise and Shout!!

It's Game Day!!

Do you know where your BYU Cougars are?

Click here for Cougars Season Schedule

The #18 Cougars are in Las Vegas

taking on the Rebels of UNLV.

bets?

BYU Wins!!

BYU 59 UNLV 21