Tuesday, November 23, 2010

A Little {Unsolicited} Advice

While I was dusting my very dusty furniture, I was reminded of why I really don't love dusting- it's dusty. And then I thought that I should pass on a bit of advice so that others will not have to suffer as I. And that advice would be this:

Don't ever buy a table with grooves on the top, especially if it is your kitchen table. Because it will get crumby, and crusty in the grooves. And if it is dusty at your house, it WILL get dusty in the grooves. Then, you have to break out your best equipment to de-dustify it. And sometimes you just can't get everything out of those grooves and it will bug you because you feel like that piece of furniture is always dirty- even though it may not appear dirty to your visitors, you will know what lurks in the crevices. And that is a heavy weight to have on your mind when you should be enjoying your company. And just so you know, we used to have a kitchen table with a grooved top, but we got rid of it for that very reason. But also so you know, I have a sofa table that has grooves, which is what I was dusting and it caused me to remember the kitchen table, so I guess I didn't learn my lesson from the kitchen table. But, at least we don't eat on the sofa table, so the food mess isn't there. K?

And that little moment of dusting caused me to start thinking about advice. And how mostly people give advice when you aren't really looking for it. And so I think that since you are not really looking for advice right now, it must be the opportune moment for me to give you some. Like, remember how much advice you got when you became engaged, or when you were about to have a baby, or when you were about to graduate from college? And you weren't really looking for advice? Yeah, that. That's like now- not looking for advice, and here it comes.

Here's my advice:

If you wanna go to bed mad at your spouse, you can. Because for some people, the lack of sleep is the reason for the argument in the first place and all they need is a re-charge or time to cool down and think about it. And that's what sleep does.

Don't give parenting advice to a mother who is right in the middle of trying to discipline a child, because she may take your unsolicited advice as a criticism. Just sayin'.

Dance in the rain. Even dance in the sun. Or the wind, because then your skirt will twirl nicely.

Sweep with shoes on. Then your feet don't get all crusty.

Don't get bugged by the little things. Save your energy for the big things, because when something big happens and it bugs you, you can be spectacularly bugged-- and the time that you would have spent being bugged by the little thing won't have been wasted. And then you can get more sympathy from people cause they won't be tired of hearing about you being bugged. And you need sympathy, mostly because when you are bugged, you just need understanding.

If you live in Arizona, you should have a pest control specialist visit your home on a regular basis. And if you have pigeon problems, put some spikes on your house. They are awesome. And if you have gophers, talk to the husband, because he has found something that we think is working.

Get yourself a fire pit so that you can sit outside with your children on chilly evenings and have fireside chats. Fireside chats with your children = awesome.

And my best piece of advice? That would be the one that goes like this: don't follow peoples' advice- because mostly, it really just applies to them and what they found to work the best in the situation they were in. But, you could definitely use it as a reference. If you want.


Wonder Woman said...

I'll definitely remember the grooved furniture thing. I rarely dust not because I hate it, but because I'm so short I don't see dust on many things.

Alan said...

Can you share the gopher knowledge?

Christie said...

All good advice! I too have a crumby (in the literal way) kitchen table. We also are adamant believers in going to bed angry! My mom always says, "Everything looks brighter in the morning!" It's true.

Khourt said...

Love your advice.. Id probably forget to follow it though lol

Totally want a firepit now!

Sarah said...

We have a grooved table and it makes me crazy for that exact reason. I don't mind listening to advice from reasonable people. :)

Ree-bok said...

I put a thick, clear plastic tablecloth over my table. It saves the grooves, but you can still see them. For the gophers, I put a hose in one of the holes and the gopher popped out the other end. We caught it and let it go far away from our home (so he could hopefully never find his way back :-).