Wednesday, August 13, 2008

Put it on the Jumbo-Tron

I only have two thoughts going through my head at this precise moment: 1) I LOVE the Olympics!! and 2) I have a massive pounding headache. Since there really is no substance to item number 2, let’s just focus on my first point, shall we?

I do. I LOVE THE OLYMPICS! I love the Olympics so much I could marry them. Except, I love my husband more and we are already married (except if the Olympics were a girl, I could use another wife (and not in a polygamist sort of way- just an extra helper sort of way, which in that case what I really need is a maid) because she could help me with the cooking and cleaning and driving, blah blah blah. But that really sounds weird, so NEVERMIND). But, I think the Olympics are a boy anyway, so maybe I should just send the Olympics a little note. Yeah, I think I’ll do that. It will say something like this:

Dear Olympics,

I don’t know if you know me- we have every other year together. I am the one with the half-way curly hair. I just have to tell you that I watch you all the time. You really make me smile.

Remember that one time when Michael Phelps won like 11 gold medals? Yeah, that was cool. I’m pretty sure I could get 13, maybe 14.

I can’t believe I am about to say this, but what the heck, I LOVE YOU!!!!!!!! I have had a crush on you for a long time now. I have one of your shirts. I've had recurring dreams of you giving me one of your rings. In fact, my parents would have loved to see us end up together. They are the ones that introduced me to you in the first place. (they would make great in-laws)

I really loved you in Salt Lake City when we came to see you. You had it all together, you were so organized. I always knew I wanted someone like that. But I got a little intimidated because there were a lot of people vying for your affection. You were such a gentleman. You knew how to treat the ladies. You had extra port-a-potties for us at every venue. You even had hand sanitizer.

I just have to ask: if I weren’t married, would you marry me? You can just check yes or no. Or, since you have access to lots of scoreboards and stuff, you could just program a proposal into one of those and I would be like, “Oh my gosh, YES! Except I have a husband now.” But it would be cool because the whole world would see it.

I’m sorry I can’t accept your proposal right now. (Does that break your heart? Because I know for a fact that the Olympics has a big heart.) But I will be devoted to you till I die. I just gotta focus on my husband right now. You only come around every other year and he is here for me everyday. So I think you will understand when I say that I just owe it to him.

I will tell my children and grandchildren about you! Let’s still be friends. Don’t ever change. Keep in touch, and call me over the winter.



Mechelle said...

you are so funny! you describe the olympics like its Peter Pan. someone for every generation to enjoy. I love "him" too! :)

Randibee said...

Steph-you are TOO funny! I wish I could express myself like you do. You totally have a KNACK.

uniquelynat said...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! Sarah (you know- #1 fan) & I weer dying the whole time we were reading this! I agree with have a total knack! good thing not all your posts have to be this funny....but for sure you have a lot to live up to now...oh the joy of pressure! anyway- i think "he" will understand the need to stay with husband. hopefully husband can be just as understanding of you draw to "him"...

big_smartmouth said...

that's so funny that you have a crush on the olympics because we actually dated years back. the olympics was a great boyfriend; kind, competitive in a good way, honest, successful...i could go on and on. but, he wasn't around enough for me. only seeing him for 2 weeks every 4 years was torture. so, i had to move on. i have found another, a man i love even more. but, i still harbor feelings for the olympics. i even watch him on t.v. when my husbands not looking, and day dream about the "what if's". i can't help but think about the children we would have had by now (two named "winter" and "special") and would be so proud to call them my kids, cheering for them just as much as i do their father. but, alas, i come back to reality, hug my husband a little harder and remind myself that what the olympics and i had was great. but what i have today is even greater.

-your biggest fan

trublubyu said...

i have a fan? even one who is the biggest one? i have no response to that. i am flattered.

love your comment. it is genius. and i have nothing to out-genius it.