Monday, January 19, 2009

A New Suit

Last week I told you about our little car incident. And did you remember it happened at church? So, I just want to share one more thing about that crazy incident with you. I found out from the husband just two days ago that, had the silly little window crashers checked, they would have found the back driver side passenger door unlocked. Silly window crashers.

No worries, however, the husband pounded out the door frame where a crow bar had been used to attempt the break-in and a new window has been installed. So, we're almost as good as new.

In keeping with the theme of crazy things that happen at church, I want to tell you about another unfortunate incident that occurred last April. Yes, this means a little story time. Get comfy. Or not. But if you're interested (and I think this one's pretty good), here goes...

The husband has church responsibilities that require him to be present for early morning meetings. Which means, I get to get myself and three little ones ready for church all on my own. Every Sunday. Last April I received a phone call just before leaving for church. I noticed on the caller i.d. that it was in fact the husband. I answered the phone and was greeted with,

"Don't worry, I'm still alive."


The husband then proceeded to recount a life or death struggle he had experienced just minutes before he phoned. And it was this: the husband was in the ward clerk's office taking care of a few things between meetings. He was seated at the computer desk when he leaned across to get something out of a drawer to his right. No sooner had he opened the drawer than he heard the revving of a small motor and felt a tugging on his suit coat. He glanced down to realize that the corner of his coat had fed itself into the paper shredder, which was on auto-feed.

Can you picture the scene as he attempted to turn off the power on the machine? And it would not turn off. So he began tugging on his suit in an attempt to free it from the angry clutches of the runaway shredder. The shredder was not willing to surrender the fight and held tightly to his suit. The husband began to worry as he is standing, in the clerk's office, fighting a paper shredder that is traveling up his suit, literally lifting off the ground to satisfy its hungry appetite.

Eventually the husband was able to reach for the power cord and unplug the machine, but not before the thing devoured the lower corner, pocket and much of the bottom half of the suit- all the way to the lower button. Yes, it shredded the button.

And so the husband phoned to inform me that I still had a husband. Whew. Maybe I should stop sending him to church. It's costing me a lot of money.

And now he finally has a new suit. Because he got tired of wearing his sport coat to church. And he looks mighty fine in that new navy blue suit.

Like, waaaay fine.

Probably the only suit I like better is the one he got on his birthday.

And I can totally testify that near death experiences like this one really make you appreciate those you love one thousand times more than you did before they walked out the door that morning.

PS- happy Martin Luther King Day! Hopefully you have purchased all your MLK day gifts already. But, in the event that you have not- here's a great suggestion for all you last-minute shoppers. Sue has gone to great lengths to prepare it for you.

PPS- go Cardinals. Who knew?


Cynthia said...

I am going to hell for sure now because I was busting a gut laughing through that whole story! You painted a hilarious mental picture of the event. I've never heard of such an thing but I'm now glad I did.

And, don't take this the wrong way but Hubba husband is right!

We have a funny suit story in our family too. It involves my Grandma taking the wrong suit to the funeral home for Grandpa (one closet in their old house and she grabbed my Dad's suit instead of grandpas). There's more to it but basically Grandpa and my Dad always teased each other so we think Grandpa managed to get the last laugh after all.

CaJoh said...

The things men will do to get a new suit…

Sure glad he's OK.

Thom said...

Wow, that's sad about the clothes. Maybe that shredder manufacturer should say that shred buttons too. LOL. Also goes to show the importance for good shredder safety, although I doubt if any shredder safety would have stopped clothes from being shredded; there are some that stops before a hand, finger, or paw gets close to the opening.

Me said...

I know this series of unfortunate events isn't funny, but I can't help but giggle. Maybe you should consider joining another church. Or at least encourage them to have the meetings at YOUR House. It might be safer for you and your family that way.

That Girl in Brazil said...

Thank goodness that there's no evil shredders at our ward buildings! Although we've had drug dealers break into our bishop's office one time ... a bishop who happens to be my husband.


SHERI said...

Now those are some great stories! Too funny

Claire said...

Thanks for the laugh. I will definately pass that story on to his big brother.

wonder woman said...

that is crazy. All I can say is that you should have some great blessings coming your way.

And that is a good-lookin' suit. ;)

Nathan said...

I guess he can add "death defying acts" to his resume.

We have a shredder in the clerk's office as well, and I always worry about the mob of kids that manage to spill in from the hall after church. I keep seeing fingers and hair going into the machine.

Can you tell I'm a worrier?