In my next life I believe I shall return as a CIA agent. Because I am nothing if not observant.
I could provide loads of historical examples and instances, but in the interest of keeping you here on this blog and ensuring that you aren't tempted to click over to someone else's more interesting blog, I will spare all the "for examples" and get to the point.
But first let me say that I know I would rock as CIA because I have great fingernails. And in the event of an all-out karate fight, and when my karate moves are failing me, I can turn to those fingernails. And they would totally come in handy when hindering bad guys. Plus, I have mom skills. And those are some pretty good skills.
Oldest daughter had piano lessons yesterday and I found myself without my other two kiddos, so I decided to do a bit of recreational window shopping. The bummer here is that her lesson only lasts 1/2 hour and the bigger bummer is that the closest store is K-Mart. So off to K-Mart I went for an uninterrupted 1/2 hour of browsing.
Have you been to K-Mart lately? Because of the piano lesson proximity, I have been there 3 times in the last 2 months and I find it to be WAY overpriced. Like, extremely. But, you know, it's close to piano lessons.
As I was roaming through the store I observed a man (Caucasian, mid-20s) pantomiming a message to two shoppers (a man and a woman) across the store- maybe 20 ft away. As I watch Caucasian man, I recognize he is telling the two shoppers to keep an eye on a large woman and her male shopping partner.
Instantly the scenario plays out in my head: the Caucasian man is a store manager. The two shoppers are undercover and the large woman and her male friend must be shoplifting.
Of course, I had to get in on the action, so I began to trail the whole entourage through the store so that I didn't miss a moment of the action. I wanted to be there when the whole bust went down.
Accordingly, I covertly begin to look at the pajamas, keeping the large lady and her friend in sight. They are in the lingerie section. The dude is checking out red lace panties. And his fingernails are painted a maroon-ish color. Weird. But, whatever. This is not my concern. My concern is that the undercover couple keep an eye on the large lady and the underwear guy. So, I check for the undercover peeps location and see they are not far off- and watching. Watching, always watching. And then, I try to get a location on the manager guy. He is peeking around the socks. Also watching. Good. We are all on target.
I went around the store like this for like 20 minutes. And I was getting anxious. Because at one point, the large lady and her buddy gave us all the slip. And we didn't know their 20 for just a bit. And then we found them. I think someone in electronics was instrumental in helping us find them. I know it was electronics because, like I said, I am observant.
But mostly I was cracking up at the white manager dude, because he was totally conspicuous. Like, walking quickly to keep up with them on the ends of aisles and then slowing way down when he might be visible to the suspects. Not very CIA. Doesn't he watch Chuck? Or Alias? The undercover shopper couple was playing it cool. Just "shopping" and carrying a couple items around the store with them. Very good cover.
And then my time was up. I had to go and pick up oldest daughter from her lesson. And everyone involved never suspected that I was on to them. I shall never know what happened. Although, I believe the CIA will be calling at any minute. They need me. I'm sticking close to the phone today.
And just so you know, that guy with the red lace panties carried them throughout the store.
And as I made my exit, the white manager was speed-walking to catch up and peeking around end caps. In the cosmetics section.
PS- Happy Birthday to my lovely mother. You know, mom, if it weren't for you...