Monday, August 24, 2009

Behind the Singers

Yesterday at church a couple of women sang a beautiful rendition of "How Great Thou Art". I think. What I mean is, I think that is what they sang. I can't remember. I do remember their voices were lovely- and the harmony intoxicating. But, I was paying too much attention to what was going on behind the singers. (that almost sounds like "behind the scenes", which could also work here)

Since I sit on the front row, I am close enough to read lips. The lips of the speakers who just so happened to be sitting behind the singers. There were three speakers- a husband and wife and then another woman (sans husband). The wives sat shoulder to shoulder, while the husband chilled on the aisle seat.

As the duetists were adding their voices to the angels, I noticed as the speaker sans husband whispered something to the speaker with husband. Intrigued, I watched as she mouthed, "... her shoe." And all three speakers' heads turned as one to view the shoe. And their faces mirrored amusement, although sending a little nervousness out into the congregation.

Instantly I was hooked. (Remember, nothing gets past me- observant to a fault) Of course, I couldn't see the singer's shoe. Even though I sit on the front row.

So many options danced through my head- such as, but not limited to:

  • the singer is wearing mismatched shoes
  • the singer is wearing her husband's shoes
  • the singer is wearing no shoes
  • the singer- wait, which singer? there are two up there...
  • the singer's heel just broke on her shoe
  • the singer is standing on the other singer's shoe- I wonder which one is getting their shoe stood on
  • the singer is wearing golf shoes
  • the singer's shoe just broke through the floor
  • the singer's shoe just fell in the little cabinet that houses the stool that the kids stand on when they bear their testimonies

So as not to miss out on what was going on with the shoe, I arranged my children so that I would be able to pay full, undivided attention to the singers' shoes as soon as they made their way back to the congregation.

I passed out books and stickers. And the children were taken care of before the last note was sung. And I was in position to scope out the shoes.

The women marched single file down the stairs, slow motion. Thanks, ladies for playing into my plan, and not crowding out each other's shoes. And then, everything sped up- like dramatically. And both ladies were down the stairs. And I saw their shoes. And they both had on a matching pair. And both contained all parts of their heels. And all four shoes were white. And neither pair were golf shoes.

It did not compute. I just could not piece together what had happened up there. So I looked to the speakers for help. And they seemed to be unfazed by the singers, who had gracefully made their exit. But, they were still fazed by something. And I could see that their eyes were still trained on the spot where the singers had stood and sung their (un)forgettable song. (forgettable only because I couldn't remember exactly what they sang. but how they sang was truly unforgettable- it was beautiful.)

And then, seeking answers, my attention turned to the bishop and his hot counselor and the looks on their faces. I watched as the bishop scooted forward on his seat, bent forward and scooted something on the floor and then sat back in his seat, satisfied. While his hot counselor grinned and the speakers were all smiles.

And the speaker's husband stood and delivered his message.


When the hot counselor returned home from his meetings at the end of the day, you can bet the first question out of my mouth was, "What was going on with the singers' shoes?"

To which he responded, "What?"

And I recounted the story.

And he laughed.

And unfolded to me what was really going on behind the singers. He reported that due to the heroic actions of our brave bishop, the father of our ward, our ward building was down one ginormous cockroach.

Way to go bishop. Thank you for protecting us.
(and, thank goodness I sit on the front row! Just think of the stories I would have if I sat even just a few rows back. Not to mention if I sat in the way back!!)

And, don't forget to order your Time Out for Women tickets. Click on the link at the top of the sidebar. You'll be glad you did. Awesome event planned for this year!

Plus, I am intrigued by this new show FlashForward that ABC has coming out in the fall. You got me interested, ABC. I hope you deliver. But don't deliver the filth- just a good, clean intriguing plot. Pretty please?


Sandi and Curtis said...

Hubby asked me if I noticed what he was doing during Sacrament meeting. I said NO, I was watching the speakers. When he told me he killed a huge 2" cockroach I started laughing!!! He was hoping he pulled it off with no one seeing him do it!!

Mouse said...

That's hilarious! We were sitting far too far away to notice the subtle goings-on at the podium.

The Colliers said...

I absolutely love your ponderings! I've got to learn how to read lips. I think it could spice up my church meetings substantially. Cousin, you're great.

uniquelynat said...

bummer. i wish it had been something better than a bug. but you are a great story teller. you had me hooked and i had to keep reading to find out what was going to happen. a true nail biter!

Ginny said...

haha! I love it! Youre great Steph! as well are your stories!I would be so interested as to know what was going on with their shoes, and befuddled when they were perfectly normal. I couldn't have waited til the hot counselor man to come home to ask what was happening. I think I would want to stand up in church and say "wait a minute, can someone please tell me what's going on? " Im sure you felt that way, but way to go to not let your thoughts get the best of you!

Nathan said...

It's a relief to know that I'm not the only one who gets distracted like this. I think it's the prospect of being "in the know" or something.

And I can't believe you had to wait until the end of the day. That would have done me in.

big_smartmouth said...

dang it! i was wrong! the instant you said,"her shoe", my mind went straight to toilet paper...i hate being wrong. but, you did have me on the edge of my seat. i would have been furious if the end of your story was,"i never did find out what was up w/ the singers shoe." NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Randibee said...

Wish funny things like that happened when I was in sitting in church. But no, our ward is totally boring...

Loralee and the gang... said...

Good thing the singers didn't notice they were standing on a ginourmous cockroach. Then the song certainly would have gone waaaaayyy off key!

Ruth P said...

Haha! Loved how you told the story! You are so hilarious!

HanksFam said...

You are such a good storyteller. I felt like I was right there in the first row with ya.

Sarah said...

Ew. I am impressed with the skill with which the Bishop can kill a ginormous roach without the whole congregation knowing. He must secretly be a Jedi.

Jessica said...


Heidi said...

EEEEeeeewwwwwwww! Tolleson gansta roaches....nasty!