and so, as i write this post, i have determined that i shall use no caps so as to display the humble and pious state which i have been compelled to enter. (just a little fyi, i don't typically use caps anyway in my daily correspondence. and not just because i am humble, but because i am that lazy. shift plus a key? come on.)
let me 'splain. or at least sum up.
in my opinion (which i still claim to be valid, albeit not the queen any longer), i have some mad home decorating skills (not really mad as in angry- i use the term mad because that is what the kids are saying these days and in all things i attempt to be hip). in home decorating i also include home-layout-that-makes-sense skills. and i believe i know a good home layout.
when the husband and i were searching for a home just a few short months ago, we mostly looked at your basic inhabitable dwelling. except one. and how could our realtor have known he was taking us into this mess? he couldn't. because on the mls most people talk up the good points of a home. as one should when attempting to unload a triple k priced home. in this economy. blah blah blah
so we entered the hot mess of a home (also hip, kid-talk) and from the entry to the exit i had to be careful to not trip over my jaw- the one that had hit the floor the moment we crossed the threshold. i'm talking hot mess. not luke warm mess. hot.
obviously this home was custom. dreamed up by the original builder and his wife to incorporate all their dream elements. and you know how in dreams everything is logical until you wake up? i don't think these home planners ever woke up. and as we walked through, we were subject to the nightmare.
actually, it was quite an adrenalin rush touring this home. it was reminiscent of a kid at a carnival, walking through the house of mirrors, anticipating what was around the next corner. and the arsenal was loaded, surprises kept on coming- from the secret little loft area in the hall to the crazy busy built-ins in the family room to the virtual island of a dining room to the illogical kitchen arrangement to the million niches throughout the place to the master bedroom right off the entry! ( had to refrain from using caps there) to the glass french doors leading into the master bedroom to the double door drive-thru garage. it had it all. all, i tell you.
i wish i could remember it all. but i can't. i think it is my body's way of protecting me from the shock. you know how bodies do that? aren't they smart? again, my opinion.
but i do remember this: the master bath. wow was it grand. in a train wreck sort of way. like, i couldn't look away. i remember standing and staring. for a long time. and so did the husband. and our realtor. and his wife. and it was shock.
this was a large walk-in master bath. i'd say it was prolly 30x40. immediately on the left as you entered was a double vanity. unassuming. two sinks- one for each dreamer. and a mirror. a nice long mirror. opposite the vanity was a little room for the toilet. a nice, private toilet room.
beyond the vanity and toilet was an open room that housed the remainder of the bathroom facilities. in the left corner to the far end of the bathroom was a jacuzzi tub--- jacked up like 5 feet in the air. with nice tile steps up to the tub. steps that spelled danger to me. because, hello, the thought of walking down a million tile steps after stepping out of the bath doesn't relax me. because usually i like water in my baths. and hello, slippery. truthfully, the tub made me think of the princess and the pea. it was that high. but, you know, the actual tub looked nice enough. i just prefer mine with a little less altitude.
this is not the highlight of the room, however. oh no. opposite the tub was the grandest shower i have ever seen in my life. ever. ever. the remainder of the room was dedicated to the shower. it was a full, open shower- measuring at least 20x30, with no shower curtain, no door, no entrance. well, no entrance unless you counted the entire bathroom as the entrance. because it was completely open to the whole bathroom! guys, i mean it was open to the whole bathroom! and it had multiple shower heads. which is lovely. but it had them in odd places and at strange angles. and they weren't even attractive shower heads. and there were multiples of them. and it seemed as if they were multiplying as we stood and looked. and so where was the privacy? because, remember the glass french doors leading into the master suite? and there were no doors leading into the master bath and definitely no doors for the shower. open. all open. visible from the entrance to the home. who does that?
i tell you all of this because this home has apparently been bought. by someone who i suppose appreciates all these features. and they are spending insane amounts of money already on the home. because the children and i track its progress each day as we drive to school.
the buyer has added an electronic gated entry to this fortress. and who can blame them? any number of people are prolly plotting to break in and take a shower head or two. plus today as i drove by we noted that a grand driveway is being poured. and who knows what transformations are taking place in the interior.
in conclusion of the summation (which ended up being more of an explanation than a summary-sorry), it was once my opinion that this home would sit vacant for a long, long while. but it seems as though a new set of dreamers has taken up residence. and evidently their opinion matters. and i'm ok with stepping down. really.
i just don't know how their bodies will handle the shock once they wake up.