Tuesday, June 8, 2010

A Series of Unfortunate Events

Saturday morning as the husband and I were organizing our gear for a super fun excursion, he broke the sad news to me that John Wooden had passed away.

All I could do in response was to stare back at him, stone-faced, eyes fixed- unable to respond to such news and unable to trust my voice in response for fear that it might betray me.

After a few moments of silence, the husband gathered that I had no idea who John Wooden was.

And he sat, stone-faced. Mouth agape. Jaw on the floor. Because, who is this woman to whom he has been married, lo these 14 years? And in shame, I begged enlightenment. And I was enlightened, in true the husband fashion, with a brief yet solid discourse on the legend that was John Wooden. (oh, the knowledge the husband stores in that cranium of his- and how willing he is to dispense it so freely) Plus, how can I focus on John Wooden when I am still reeling from the loss of Gary Coleman?

As a result of my ignorance to the brilliance of this man, John Wooden, I believe the husband placed a hex on me. I know it was indeed a hex, because not 10 minutes after his stunned silence regarding my primitive understanding, a series of unfortunate events commenced unraveling in my once blissful life.

And I shall share them with you now.

Unfortunate Event #1:
Just 10 minutes post-John Wooden sermon, I was bending over to tie my tennis shoes and felt a snap just under my right breast. And wouldn't you know- the underwire in my favorite bra had snapped right in two. My favorite bra. RIP.

Unfortunate Event #2:
On our super fun excursion with the children and long time friends with whom we reunited for the day, I neglected to sunscreen myself and consequently suffered a sunburn so awesome that it was the main focal point of all whom I encountered and conversed with at church. Yes, looks like I got some sun.

Unfortunate Event #3:
Saturday night I must have slumbered with a tennis ball beneath my neck, because I awoke with the most horrendous neck pain. So painful that I could not settle on a comfortable angle at which to hold my head all throughout church services on Sunday. The neck is suffering the wrath of the Wooden Hex. (The Wooden Necks Hex)

Unfortunate Event #4:
Hasn't happened yet. With double italic emphasis on yet. I am sure it is forthcoming.

I think the husband is the only living soul who can rescind the hex.

Let's hope he does.

check back soon for the results of the baptism dress voting. missed that post? read all about it here.


Me (aka Danielle) said...

Are you going to enlighten the rest of us..as to who John Wooden is? Because I am bewildered.

Wonder Woman said...

I doubt your husband hexed you. He seems too nice for that. But I have no doubt that the basketball gods hexed you. For which I am very, very sorry. You should probably make them an offering of some kind to get rid of the hex.

p.s. so, so sorry about your favorite bra. tis truly a sad day when a woman loses her favorite unmentionable.

Noelle said...

Ummm...who is Jon Wooden?

Nathan said...

Your husband will be extremely disappointed in me, but I didn't know who he was either. I had to Google him.

As soon as I saw the word "basketball" I thought, "Oh ... that's why."

(I think it is generally known by now how much I don't like sports.)

Sandi and Curtis said...

I had to ask Curtis who John Wooden was as well. I had no clue. Your bra breaking was funny. Never had that happen before.

Loralee and the gang... said...

OH, no! But at least it wasn't a broken rib to go with the sore neck and sunburn, like I first pictured in my mind when you wrote "felt a snap under my right breast".
John Wooden? Who's he?
Don't give you hubby my email. I don't need a lecture, either...

Amy said...

I have to admit that I do not know who John Wooden is. I do know all about the underwire breaking on the favorite bra. It sucks.