Saturday, August 7, 2010

for today

today i told my kids to shut-up. well, actually, i yelled at them to shut-up.

and when asked how my day was today, i told a friend my day sucks.

both of those s-words are words i never use. ever. but i did today.

and i feel like another s-word. but i never use that one either. but i feel it.

how does a person reconcile that? and how does a person feel good about herself when she yells shut-up to her precious children? well, she doesn't.

and i don't really feel like being a mother today. but tomorrow i will. and i will love it again tomorrow. but, for today, can i hide from motherhood?

just for today?


Wonder Woman said...

I felt like that yesterday. I felt like swearing, and I don't swear. I yelled at my kids, then cried. When they asked why I was crying, I told them it was because I wasn't doing my job very well. I'm supposed to teach them to be nice and love and serve and obey, and I wasn't. I apologized for yelling, and my son apologized for yelling, too.

It was a much better day after that.

It's okay to hide for a bit. I went to pick up a pizza for dinner and it took me an hour and a half because I stopped at 3 stores to window-shop along the way.

Randibee said...

I am sorry you are having a hard day today. Sometimes motherhood really does, you know, suck...did I just say that? But you are a great mom, and your kids love you, and so do I. I wish I were a better mother--more like you. You are such an example to me. Chin up!

Anonymous said...

I've done that. My child isn't even old enough to really talk. Makes me feel terrible. But then I just try to be a little better mommy. And my kid still loves me.

Ginny said...

yesterday i used the word front of mom. i never use that word either. ever. and can you imagine moms reaction? it makes you feel worse than actually saying the word itself.

mom made me feel bad about it.

i told her i have my agecny (even though i never use that word)

sorry it was a bad day :( youre a wonderful mom.

Michelle said...

Oh man. I am so glad that I am not the only one that has days I would rather forget! I try to draw comfort that every day I wake up and try to be a good mom... even if my performance is somewhat flawed.

Ruth P said...

I am sorry, Steph. You are not alone. I have had days exactly like that. And they are hard. And then I am harder on myself. But it's OK to have hard days because there is HOPE. HOPE that the next day will be better. And somehow our kids still love us. You are the kind of mom I aspire to be someday! I love you.

uniquelynat said...

bad days are hard. bad WEEKS are harder. i've had one of those this week. where i am tired and at the end of my rope...barely hangin' on.

and then friday comes. and the husband has the day off. and he spends most of the day doing whatever YOU want to do. (and even spends money!) and by saturday your week is a lot better. hopefully (since a new week and day starts tomorrow) the next one will be better than the last.

i'm sorry you had a hard day! that's no good. i know you will be better tomorrow. because you never stay down. and you are an amazing mom! ♥ ♥ ♥ U!!!

Me (aka Danielle) said...

So sorry you've had a bad day! We all have them. It's part of the learning and growing process. Tomorrow is a new day and you can always start over!

Susan said...

Don't be so hard on yourself - we all feel like that sometimes. Hang in there! Tomorrow will be a better day.

Sweet Tea said...

Children can overlook a lot when they know they are genuinely loved. Your children know that - so they probably don't even remember your words. Tomorrow is another day and you'll do better. We've all "been there", though we're not proud of it.

Mouse said...

Thank you for posting this! I'm not happy that you had a bad day, but I'm glad to know that I'm not the only one who has completely lost it with my children. What I've learned from these experiences (note the plural "s" ) is how quick my children are to forgive. They don't hold grudges, as I would be tempted to do if someone treated me the way I treated them. They are unconditionally loving. When Christ invites us to "become as a little child," I think those are a couple of the traits he is hoping for us to learn (even if this particular method of learning isn't exactly what he had in mind... ;)

Nathan said...

My wife has told me she never felt like saying those words until she became a mother.

Also, I may or may not have used those words when dealing with my daughter ... allegedly.

Loralee and the gang... said...

I have those moments too, more often than I care to admit. But somehow I manage to get through them, just like you did, right? So the day after, the kids might be a little scared of you, but they'll get over it. ;-) They are resiliant. It's good for them to know that you have frustrations, too, yet get over them and move on.