Getting Through

This morning my little family finished a five year journey.

Every weekday morning for the past five years we have spent fifteen minutes (give or take) reading sacred scripture. It begins by gathering sleepy children, singing a hymn or primary song and then each of us takes a turn reading one verse. That's it. We only read one verse each. At this rate, I didn't know if we would ever get through the Book of Mormon. After each of us read a verse, or sometimes in the midst of the verses, we would discuss the principles being taught, the story line, the people mentioned, the counsel we were being given.

Our study of the Book of Mormon has evolved over the years. We started when oldest daughter was not even a toddler. We would read from the illustrated Book of Mormon, a book that takes the stories from the Book of Mormon and abridges them with pictures and captions. As our family grew, we continued our daily study from this illustrated book.

Finally, when oldest daughter started Kindergarten, we decided it was time to open the genuine book. We began a study from The Book of Mormon: Another Testament of Jesus Christ. When we began, there were only two members of the family who could read on their own- the husband and me. So, as it was one of the children's turn, one of us would read their verse and the children would repeat what was read. As we finished today, each of us was able to read our verse all on our very own.

Our scripture time is not perfect, sometimes we are finishing a bowl of cereal or spreading peanut butter on bread for school lunches as we are reading our verses. And sometimes, like in the summer, we missed a few days here and there. The point is, though, that we sent our children and ourselves into the world each day with a special set of armor to shield, protect and strengthen us.

At the start of this week, we found ourselves in the last chapter of the last book in the Book of Mormon. So, we read a few extra verses each day to ensure that we would finish the book this week.

There are 6,604 verses in that book. Reading one verse a day, Monday through Friday, will take 5.08 years to complete the book. Upon completing the book and closing it, the husband asked the children their favorite parts. Oldest daughter loved the part where "the one man got his head cut off and he did a dead push up."

"What was that man's name?" I asked.

Without even a second thought, middle daughter burst out, "Shiz. His name was Shiz."

Last week we read about charity. After we discussed the meaning of charity, the husband counseled the family to pray to have charity. I have loved listening to the children pray over the last week that we would learn charity.

On Monday, our reading included Moroni's promise where he tells us that if we desire to know the truth of the book, we should pray to our Heavenly Father to know the truth of it and Heavenly Father will reveal the truth of it to us. Similarly, the children have included this promise in their prayers. I have eavesdropped as little voices have asked their Heavenly Father in their personal prayers to help them know if the book is true.

I have been strengthened in the realization the children have taken the teachings seriously. They have listened as we have studied. When we began a study of this book, I didn't know if we would ever get through the Book of Mormon. But, I do know one thing for sure: the Book of Mormon definitely got through us.

I can't go on if I'm on my own.

1986.
Age 14.
Austin, Texas.
Chicago concert.
My two older sisters and myself.
And my boyfriend Dylan (who was somewhere in the crowd, but not with us)


I went there today.

I was on my way to Wal-Mart to purchase crayons and conversation hearts for little son's class, when Chicago's "Will You Still Love Me" came on the radio. It took me back 26 years.

My two older sisters and myself went to that concert in my dad's powder blue Chevy Luv pick up truck with the woven seat covers. It was awesome. I got a concert t-shirt that I'm pretty sure I wore at least once a week til 1990.

My very first ever real boyfriend, Dylan, was there. And, since dating was not an option for me until the age of 16, we did not go together. But it was so romantic knowing that he was there, somewhere, in that crowd of people.

My sisters liked to make fun of Dylan and me. I was a good 2 inches taller than he was. And he lived in a town called Pflugerville, 30 minutes away. And really, we only got to see each other at mutual (youth activities) on Wednesday nights. And we only really got to be together once a month at the Stake youth dances. But, we were a couple.

We met at my first Stake dance. He asked me to dance. And we danced a lot of slow songs. Plus the last dance. Last dances were important back then. Are they still? They made a statement, kind of like a miner staking his claim. And so, when I saw him at mutual the next Wednesday he got my phone number and programmed it into his calculator watch. I thought that was so cool.

We talked on the phone whenever either of us had saved up enough babysitting money to pay our parents for the phone bill. And he came to my basketball games whenever our school played against his. And he would watch me sit on the bench for most of the game. Pretty sure he was impressed.

But, we wrote letters. And he would spray his with cologne. And sometimes it made me sick to my stomach when he signed them with "I love you." Once he included a practical joke in one of his letters. Inside the letter was a small manila envelope labeled "Rattlesnake Eggs" and when it was opened, it made something rattle and jump out. Really, it was only a paper clip twisted up in a rubber band so that as it was opened it unwound and rattled against the side of the envelope. And scared people. Such a sweet gesture.

In one letter he included his football picture. 7th grade football players are pretty small. But I thought he was so handsome.

For Valentine's Day he gave me a beautiful sterling silver bracelet. It smelled like him. Until it didn't anymore. And then, it smelled like me. And pretty soon after that, I started feeling like I was being bad for having a boyfriend. So, I broke up with him. And gave him back the bracelet.

But this Chicago song I heard today, it was our song. And it told me I can't go on if I'm on my own. And somehow I still found the strength to break things off. Because I felt guilty for having a boyfriend before I was 16.

I wonder if he still loved me for the rest of his life-- like the song said. And I wonder if he is still going on.

Pretty sure he is. Because I am.

I just wish I would have kept the bracelet.

A Year of Laughter

Can't believe another year is coming to a close. It has been a good year. A really good year.

We have been blessed with love and laughter and lots of other good things all year long. I feel grateful. Grateful for the love and the good things. And the laughter is a bonus.

In honor of the year that presented us with lots of laughter, I want to list a few of the funny (to me) things the children have said this year. I think I only want to include 12 things, but we'll see how it goes as I look through my blog that I call "laughing with my little loves". It's one of those private, invisible blogs. It's a place where I document those silly kids and their funny talk. Well, funny to me and the husband.

And just for your reference, and to put these funny things into perspective, oldest daughter is 9, middle daughter is 7, and little son is 5.

Funny talk of 2011

January
little son and i were watching his one year old cousin who was crying in an unstoppable manner. little son quips: "she scares me when she cries. it hurts my head and my ears. it's kind of like a weapon. a little baby weapon."


February

feb 14-- watching a movie with the children, oldest daughter leans over to me and says: "mom, i feel like satan is tempting me to say 'how the hell?'
mom: "why?"
oldest daughter: "i don't know"
mom: "sing a song to get those icky things out of your head."
oldest daughter hums families can be together forever, pauses and then whispers to mom: "he's like 'do it, say it, it won't hurt.' "

feb 27-- at the blessing of my tiny, new niece, little son leans over to the husband and whispers in his ear: "dad, three things: i. love. you."

March

mar 31-- shortly after tucking the children into bed for the night, little son yells out: "dad, if my leg falls off can we have a funeral for it?"
dad: "yes, son, if your leg falls off we can have a funeral for it"
little son: "yay!"
dad: "but i don't think it's gonna fall off"
little son: "yay!"

April

apr 13-- i was putting pink foam rollers in middle daughters hair one evening as little son came crawling, army-style, into the room.
little son: "i'm dying! i'm dying!"
mom and middle daughter: "what?"
little son, whispering: "mom, take care of yourself when i'm gone..."

May

may 19-- oldest daughter was explaining how nervous she was while having to have a small cavity filled.
oldest daughter: "mom, when i was getting my shot, i just kept thinking to myself, 'jesus had more pain when he died on the cross. jesus had more pain when he died on the cross.' "

June

june 28-- in utah after playing at a bounce house that had an indoor miniature golf course little son proclaims: "someday i really need to play some manager golf. i think i'd be really good at it."

june 29-- also while in utah, the children were getting ready for bed. little son was brushing his teeth while he and a cousin were watching a little star wars. he walks into the bathroom to put away his toothbrush and declares: "i love yoda! he's the awesomest one! he, like, never dies. HE NEVER DIES!"

July

jul 17-- after watching movies about jesus, middle daughter becomes contemplative and asks: "how many lives do we get?"
mom: "just one here on this earth, but after we are done here, we will live forever."
middle daughter: "so we will get born again?"
mom: "no, we will continue living as adults."
middle daughter: "and then we will grow back down to babies?"
mom: "no, we will stay adults."
middle daughter with eyes as huge as saucers: "really?! we will always be adults?"
mom: "yep"

August

aug 22-- shopping with little son
little son: "mom, one time i was shopping with dad and your dad. your dad was looking for some shorts and he said, 'these shorts are too short. i guess that's why they call them shorts.' he is soooooo funny!!!"

aug 19--
mom: "little son, did you just toot?"
little son: "no, i fluffed."
mom: "that's the same thing as tooting."
little son: "no, it's not. a toot sounds like, 'plbbttt' and a fluff sounds like 'fffaaahhhh.' plus, toots don't stink, but fluffs do.

September

sept 10-- middle daughter has really gotten into riddles and trying to stump us by coming up with original riddles.

middle daughter: "two people are in a cabin and they are dead. how do you know they are dead?"
dad: "cause you are not one of them?"
middle daughter: "no"
dad: "cause you read it in a newspaper?"
middle daughter: "no"
mom: "cause they are not breathing?"
middle daughter: "no"
dad and mom: "k, why?"
middle daughter: "it was the pilot and the co-pilot. and then the plane goes down. nobody was in the plane.
my cousin taught me that one."

October

oct 13-- we were watching my cute little 2 year old niece, junie (name changed to protect the 2 year old), for my sister who is going through a very rough pregnancy. after putting junie down for bed, little son told us: "mom, don't be fooled by junie's cuteness, she hurt me and she hurt oldest daughter."

oct 18-- newly returned from school, little son was walking around the house aimlessly picking up items and putting them down, commenting on everything.
little son: "i'm guessing you're gonna say 'how was your p.e.?' "
mom: "how was your p.e.?"
little son: "i knew it!! it was good."

November

nov 9-- upon picking up little son at the bus stop
little son: "mom, i have gummy bears in my back pack and i'm not afraid to use them!"

nov 13-- little son: "mom, me and middle daughter are the funniest ones in this family!!"

December

dec 10-- a woman in our congregation has been very ill and the ward held a special fast for her. upon hearing about the special fast, little son says: "i can fast my candy."
so he did, he had no candy all day.

the next sunday...
mom: "little son, hurry up and eat so that we won't be late for church."
little son: "mom, i'm fasting for sister j."
and he did. he fasted breakfast and lunch.

the next sunday...
mom: "little son, eat breakfast!"
little son: "i'm fasting for sister j again."

at the end of the day, little son says: "how about next time i fast school?"

dec 25-- dad: "little son, will you say the family prayer and be sure to thank heavenly father for all our presents?"
little son: "what abooooouuuuut can i count him in and thank him for him as a present?"
dad: "yes!"

good night hugs and kisses followed after the prayer. the children ran off to bed. little son promptly ran out of his room to say: "dad, one more thing: thank you for all the presents!!"

dec 29-- friends were visiting from utah and little son and his friend wanted to play a board game. little son ran off to the game cupboard and proclaimed: "let me show you where the magic happens!"




Ok, so pretty much, little son says the most funny stuff around here. Apparently. He is at a good age.

Anyway, here's to a new year with new laughs and new good things. Happy New Year to you and yours. May you be blessed abundantly and find joy in all around you.

psychic winning. word.

pretty sure i'm psychic.

we spent the evening playing games with a couple of the husband's cousins and their spouses. it was quite enjoyable.

we played quelf. it's one of those games you hate because you have to make an epic fool of yourself pretending to be a cowgirl ostrich rider who rides around beached whales while your opponents laugh and make fun of you- if that's the card you draw. but, then it's ok, because you do the same to them when it is their turn and they draw the card where they have to perform the ridiculous task of acting like they are stuck in a tree with 5 attacking lobsters and an elf. but, seriously, you hate the game.

i know i am psychic, though, because as we were playing, i was eating german chocolate cake. and i got some of the fudgey frosting way on my upper lip- i'm talking mustache territory, if i were a man. which i am not. but, i had no napkin. so i licked it off- and my tongue had to stretch a lot. and then i remembered how good i am at touching my nose with my tongue. and i began to hope there was a card where i had to touch my tongue to my nose instead of a card where i had to interpretive dance waking up in the morning and going to work only to realize i had forgotten my pants.

sure enough, not two turns later, i drew the tongue-to-nose card! and as a bonus, if i could also roll my tongue, then i could move my biscuit farmer playing piece 2 extra spaces. and there was my moment. i had foreseen this! and i could do both! and i moved my biscuit farmer the additional spaces. FOR THE WIN!

i won the game. probably because of my psychic abilities.

i guess it was worth the impromptu rap all about the word, word. because, really, don't all raps say word, and shawty? who is this shawty person anyway? i suppose that's a question for another day...

today...

we cleaned and cried.

we enjoyed weather that was a little bit cloudy. partly cloudy, i've heard it called before.

the canine had to spend some time in her kennel for doing naughty things.

we ate friday pizza on saturday.

we filled the house with winter aromas- pine and cinnamon and clove and cranberry and orange.

we had cherry pie and sang happy birthday accompanied on the piano by oldest daughter for the husband's birthday, even though his birthday is days and days away.

we gave hair cuts.

we attended a baby shower.

we picked up the sunday suit and dresses from the cleaners.

we made luke skywalker outfits out of old sunday shirts.

we folded and put away loads and loads of laundry.

we collected the chicken eggs and put them in our pockets, even though we have been told not to, and one of them happened to crack.

we cleaned up messy cracked egg mess.

we talked to grandma and grandpa.

we got hit in the head with a book. and it left a nasty gash.

we slept in.

we tried to set up an appointment to see the newest nephew and cousin. but, alas, his social calendar is full and he was out for the evening.

we practiced karate moves in the family room.

we played piano beautifully.

we exhausted another belt on the vacuum.

we ate birthday candy from last week.

we donated piles of clothes and shoes to the local thrift store.

we asked neighbors not to hold us accountable for the painting of the entryway we told them to hold us accountable for, because we simply did not get around to it.

we relaxed together at the end of the day and watched a movie, because the byu game is on too late.

Mornings

I am not a morning person. But, mornings with giggles and smiles and hugs- I can do those. I'm glad that we have those most mornings. Today was one of those mornings.

I love our morning routine. Wake up. Get dressed. Breakfast. Song. Scriptures. Hair. Prayer. Goodbyes. (all while the husband takes care of dishes and a load of laundry. hopefully soon we will include the children in a little house cleaning- I would love if I could be left with a clean house by the time I am ready to start my day)

This morning as I waited at the bus stop with the children, we played the latest favorite game. It goes like this: one person starts and says one word. The next person adds a word and so on until we have a silly string of words that hopefully make some sort of a story. There is always laughter as we craft our silly story.

As I returned home, a satisfied smile on my face, I couldn't help but feel oh so blessed with my life. Even at this hour of the morning.

I hope you are having a wonderful morning.

enchanting

i totally believe in wishes.

and i think today is a truly magical day.

i did, in fact, make a wish at 11:11.

and i believe i will wish again at 11:11 tonight.

under a full moon.

a brand new, fresh wish.

perhaps i will invite the husband

and we will make a lovers' wish.

that sounds enchanting.

i also believe in wish blossoms.

do you?

i love to wish on an expiring dandelion.

oldest daughter was the first in our family

to refer to them as wish blossoms.

and the name has stuck.

don't you think wish blossoms sounds enchanting?

i also believe in creativity.

i have been indulging in a little of the stuff lately.

so, put wishes, this day, and wish blossoms together

and what do you have?

something enchanting.

happy wishing.

Pssst

I'll tell you something: Whenever I see a tall man, I check him out. Always.

I'll tell you something else: I always check out the tall men because I am married to one.

You wanna know another thing?: I never knew how difficult it is to outfit a tall person, until I married one.

One more thing I need to tell you: If you are a tall man who is wearing something that fits you well and looks nice on you, I will look even more closely. Perhaps even stare at your chest or your bum to see if I can figure out what brand your shirt or your pants are.

One last thing: If I like what you're wearing and I can figure out the brand, I will make a mental note and when I get to my computer, I will usually google your outfit. And then if it is still being sold, it is quite possible that I may purchase it.

Because, I'll tell you this: It is hard to find clothes that fit a tall man. So, if I see it on a real, live, walking, talking tall man then I know it is ok for my tall man.

Pretty sure the husband is glad I check out other men. Or maybe he's not. I think I'd better ask him.

Tell me this: Does this make me a creeper?

Tuesdays with Mrs. Mix

I took piano lessons when I was a kid. I had a few different teachers.

My first teacher was my oldest sister. It didn't work out so well. The whole respect thing. I really didn't give her any. Because, well, she was just my sister. But she was a great pianist.

My third teacher (did you notice how I skipped the second teacher? That's because that's where the real story is. I'll get around to that in a minute.) was a nice lady. When we went to piano lessons at her house, it was a process. Both of my older sisters and a couple of our neighbors took lessons from her, so we all went to lessons together. One of my friends was the piano teacher's next door neighbor, so all I wanted to do was go over to Jesse's house and play. Forget piano. And we would jump on her trampoline and play tether ball while I was waiting for my sisters and neighbors to finish their lessons.

But my second teacher, oh my second teacher. Here's where it gets good. I have already confessed to my mom, so I feel like I can share this now without too many repercussions. I hope.

Anyway, Mrs Mix. She was my second piano teacher. I was eight years old. I don't even know how my mom found Mrs. Mix. She was the pianist / organist for a local church, I'm not sure what denomination-- in Rifle, Colorado. I've talked about Rifle before here, here, here, and here. I grew up there. It was a small town. Very cozy, hugged on all sides by friendly mountains that our family explored regularly.

My piano lessons from Mrs. Mix took place at her church. The church creeped me out. This church was dark and musty and as soon as I walked through the deeply stained, intricately carved wood doors with their substantial iron handles, the soaring ceilings seemed to press in on me. The towering, heavily-draped windows let in narrow beams of lazy light, that were choked out by the overwhelming haziness of the place.

I would walk down the aisle to the front of the church, past the pews, the carvings, the statues of an anguished Christ that were foreign to me. I could pick up the scent of ancient hymn books, resting on the cold, hard benches, patiently waiting for Sunday's congregation. My ears heard the voices of ghostly choirs and the organ pipes with their hauntingly silent melodies and goose bump-inducing absence.

The piano at which my lessons were taught was old, dark, smelled of damp wood. And the bench moaned when I shifted on it. Mrs. Mix sat beside me in a high-backed, ornately chiseled wooden chair, listening to my offering on the piano with which she was so familiar. My eight year old fingers clumsily danced across those keys, presenting the fruits of a week's practice as fast as they could so that I would not have to spend any more time in that place of worship than was absolutely necessary.

I dreaded Tuesdays. Tuesdays were piano lessons with Mrs. Mix at the church. My sisters didn't take lessons with me at the church and I was supposed to walk directly to the church by myself after school for my lesson.

Usually, I would enjoy a leisurely stroll home from school with my friend Mindy where we would typically stop by The Corner Store for a treat. But not on Tuesday. Tuesday was a sprint. A sprint to the church. I ran as fast as I could so that I could get to the church before Mrs. Mix. Because getting to the church before Mrs. Mix meant that I avoided entering the cold, damp church. I loved those Tuesdays that I rounded the corner and saw no orange Ford Bronco parked on the tree-lined street in front of the towering place of worship. Those were the days I secretly prayed for. Those lucky Tuesdays I would run home and tell my mom that Mrs. Mix never showed up for lessons.

I can't recall how long my lessons with Mrs. Mix lasted. But certainly long enough for that church to make an impression on an eight year old girl. But not long enough to turn me into a career sprinter.

A Few Things I Have Learned

big assignments will come my way. not necessary to hold my breath throughout the process. i can breathe anytime i want.

children forgive.

everyday is a lesson. every. day.

chocolate heals.

prayers are answered.

spills can be wiped up.

cardboard cuts are real killers. they're like paper cuts on steroids.

freshly potted autumn flowers bring joy.

toilets don't flush by themselves.

chickens take a break during the summer.

sunsets cheer.

paint stays.

women encourage.

dust settles.

craft rooms are awesome.

things don't always turn out as planned.

traditions are the best.

there is enough faith and hope to share.

television invades.

music calms.

scorpions can be the size of lizards.

vans can hold large amounts of cardboard.

burger king gives free ice cream.

there are lessons in fog. and sourdough bread.

toenail fungus is treatable.

bubble baths soothe. bubble baths with glow sticks rock.

someone cares.

dinner is expected. every day.

homemade jokes are the best.

stainless appliances are pretty needy.

not everyone notices.

heat and humidity stink.

garages hold a lot of stuff.

life is good.

A Sweet Gig

The daughters (oldest and middle) are taking piano lessons. Since July.

Oldest daughter was introduced to the piano 3 years ago. She took one year of lessons. And then we moved. It took me a while to find a new teacher. But, I finally found one and we started in July. And, boy, is she good. I love her! So do the daughters.

I made a motivational deal with the daughters that if they would practice 5 days a week, they could earn a pack of gum. The small pack. Five pieces. One for each day they practiced.

The second part of the deal was that if they practiced 6 days a week, they could earn a Thrifty ice cream cone from our local water store. (Lots of Arizonans actually purchase drinking water in bulk due to the high ickiness of our tap water.) And the local water store has an ice cream freezer full of tasty Thrifty ice cream choices. For some reason, the Thrifty ice cream counter at our local water store is magical for the children.

The third part of the deal is that if they practice 6 days a week for 4 consecutive weeks, they can have a double scoop in a waffle cone. I know!

Combine these rewards with the candy they earn from their teacher for practicing and I have a couple of budding concert pianists on my hands.

The husband, little son and I are the lucky beneficiaries of the daughters who regularly partake of our new daily tradition of piano practice. I am proud to report that they have not missed out on any of their practice rewards. Since July. They are pretty motivated.

I am so impressed with how quickly middle daughter has caught on to the piano. The first few weeks of practice were a little rough. A few tears. Some tantrums. But now she practices without even being reminded. And she is starting to sound really good.

Oldest daughter is flying through her books. She is just finishing her third set since starting and is about to begin her fourth. Her songs are beginning to be enjoyable to listen to. Over and over.

So, our new weekly tradition is ice cream on Monday nights. Right after Family Home Evening. These past two weeks, middle daughter and little son have opted to get something from the bubble gum machine in lieu of their single scoop, which is usually either cotton candy (which turns their whole mouth a bluish-purple) or cake batter. And, that's way cool for the pocket book, since the bubble gum machine prize is like $1.54 cheaper per person than ice cream.The husband typically orders strawberry cheesecake, while I always go with chocolate malted crunch. Oldest daughter is the bravest of the family because she gets something different every time.

I am wondering how long it will take these lovely and intelligent daughters of mine to figure out that there are three of us riding their wave of reward, since pretty much there are three of us in the family who are rewarded, besides listening to their lovely tunes, for doing nothing. Absolutely nothin.

It's a sweet gig.

Adjusting

It's 8:14 am. My house is silent. Except for the dishwasher- which the husband loaded this morning.

The children have begun their second week of school. And my house is silent. It's going to take some getting used to.

On the first day of school last week, after I dropped the children off and returned home, I went into my bathroom to get ready for the day. Once I had dried my hair, I walked to the kitchen to eat some breakfast. As I was finishing and heading back to my bathroom, I expected my little son to trail along behind me with an endless barrage of verbage. And he didn't. And I wondered, "where is that little son of mine? He is being so quiet." And then I remembered.

I don't think I like that my children are all in school. I spent 9 years waiting for the day all of them would be in school, and now that this day has arrived, I realize that I am closing the book on a story that I wish would go on forever. And I hate to see a good story come to an end.

We had a magical summer! It was full of trips, and exploring, and ice cream cones, and lazy days, and crafts, and swimming, and movies, and play, and dress-ups, and books, and rodeos, and mountains, and games, and friends, and naps, and family, and fun!

And now, I'm starting a new book- the one where my children are growing up and I can't stop it. And it looks like this book has lots of chapters- just like the last one. I think this book is going to take a little time to get into, but I'm confident I'll enjoy it.

For now, I'll set the volume I just finished up on the shelf and feel blessed that I had the chance to experience it.

I'm so glad there are sequels.

Storms

I don't know what kind of mom I am.

Two of the children came rushing into my bedroom at 3:00 this morning after being shaken awake by booming thunder and driving rain. I kept waiting for the third child, but for some reason he was able to stay asleep during the loudest thunder I have ever heard. In my entire life.

I didn't allow them to crawl up in bed with the husband and me. I made them sleep on the floor. By the side of my bed. And when middle daughter expressed her fear of the storm, I tenderly hung my hand off the side of the bed so she could hold it. Because I was too tired to cuddle her. And since it was too impossible to hang both hands over the side of the bed, I only semi-tenderly comforted one of my precious daughters. Because it would have taken too much effort to comfort two of them. I tell you, I don't think rationally or compassionately when I am tired and trying to sleep.

And the thunder boomed and crashed and the house shook with each crack of thunder. It was loud! Loud. It even startled the husband who jumped a couple times in his semi-asleep condition during the storm.

And I say I don't know what kind of mother I am, because all I wanted was to sleep. If I were Maria, I would have jumped up and sang a song to my children about favorite things, complete with choreography and jumping on the bed and wrapping up in curtains and all sorts of carrying on. But all I could think was, a) I hope the fissure doesn't open up and swallow this house and b) I still have 5 good hours of sleeping left- let's get on with it.

I love Maria. She was probably a great mom. Plus, she could play the guitar.

Journey of a Lifetime

The husband and I recently returned

from a Pioneer Trek re-enactment with the youth of our stake.

Best. Trek. Ever.

The leaders of our stake were truly inspired as they pulled this whole thing together. It was a privilege for me to take part in this and to be a Ma to some incredibly amazing youth. Plus, I loved spending three whole days with the husband.

In order to honor tradition, I shall now recount my trek experience by numbers. Like last time. (that's the honoring tradition part)

375 youth participating in the trek

29 handcarts

41 youth attending from our ward

13 adult leaders from our ward who trekked the entire time with the youth

4 families in our ward

9 kids in our family

5 o'clock am meeting time to prepare for departure

25 miles covered over the course of two days

3 kids in our ward lifted up on the cart to ride as a result of very sore bodies

15 miles covered the first day

23 mph wind gusts as we attempted to set up camp

89 degree high the first day

100s of cactus needles pulled out of legs/arms/buttockses

0 problems with rattle snakes

10 scorpions killed while setting up camp the second day

3 cans of bug repellent emptied by spraying around the exterior and interior perimeters of our tent in hopes of keeping out those pinchy buggers

75 gallons of water consumed by our thirsty family

100 days spent reading The Book of Mormon cover to cover prior to embarking on the trek

1 woman forever changed by acting on a promise from an inspired bishop to commit to change something with this reading of the book (more on this later)

89 points scored by BYU basketball team to secure a win over Gonzaga and a spot in the sweet 16

4 packages of mole skin completely emptied and used up on the feet of our little family

0 children lost forever along the way (only a couple temporarily lost)

8 happy mommy feet after hot stone pedicures upon returning from the trek

0 regrets of time spent on the hot dusty cactusy trail

54+ people who share a special secret that will bond them together forever

He Has My Heart

The husband just started new responsibilities at church. They include lots of time away from the family. My saddest part is that I won't get to sit by him during our Sunday meetings. I have loved being able to have him by my side on Sundays for the past year. But, I know with these responsibilities come blessings. And he'll be a great helper for our new bishop.

Also, he was made partner in his company last month. I feel a little proud about that. He is so good at his job. He has a real talent for it. And he contributes to his company in ways they acknowledge and appreciate. Like, they say they could never find someone who does what he does for them. So, they have made him partner. Nice trade, no? Plus also, I'm a little excited about the compensation.

On Sunday I wrote a little love note to the husband. It expressed my admiration and appreciation for him. And also a little mushy stuff. And I told him that I love the way he holds my heart and protects it. I found this beautiful red heart, which I gave to him. I told him that since he will be away from us a lot, he can carry my heart in his pocket and hold it and it will feel as though we are right there, together. And then some more mushy stuff. What can I say? I love the guy.

And he put that red heart in his suit pocket. He said he intends to keep it there. Forever. I love that he is a good sport and humors my little gestures.

And I love the way he has my heart.

A Little More Fissure Fest History (from my perspective)

So, here's the thing: the week we were to close on our house we learned that the area to which we were about to relocate was prone to fissures. I'm talking ground-opening-up-and-swallowing / killing-a-whole-horse type of fissure. It kinda made me nervous. Just a little bit.

All I knew was that we had a good feeling about the house. I called my dad. And I cried to him about the situation. I told him of my worries of my house sinking into the earth someday. And I called my insurance agent. He told me that there was no fissure insurance- nothing to cover us in case of a fissure catastrophe. I called my sisters.

I called the gentleman in charge of fissures at the Arizona State Geological Survey. I asked him every possible question I could think of. He told me everything he could to help me figure out where the fissures currently were in relation to our home. He emailed me images of the latest fissure mapping in the area. I called him back and asked him more questions. He answered them. He sent additional maps. And answered more questions. He was very kind. And patient. And prolly went home with a great story to tell his wife of "this overly-worried lady who called about the fissures and a house she is about to close on." I can only imagine.

I called my dad again. And cried some more. And then I dropped everything and left the husband in charge of his job and the children and went to the temple to find some peace.

I prayed through the whole temple session, searching for the confirmation of our decision to move and some peace to accompany that decision. And nothing came.

As I dressed in the dressing room before leaving the temple, I felt a little confused as to how to proceed. And I walked outside to travel back home. As soon as I exited this sacred building I was met with the greatest assurance of my Heavenly Father's love for me and the knowledge that he was aware of my worries. My eyes were met with the most glorious sunset of purple and coral and pink and gold I had ever witnessed. It hugged the sky from north to south and east to west. It was a gift that spoke directly to me, telling me that He knew that I had concerns, but that I needed to trust and move forward. And it hugged me.

You must know that I love sunsets. I make it a point to stop and seek out the sunset everyday. Every. day. And on this particular day, a sunset was provided for me just to communicate peace. Because I'm pretty sure that Heavenly Father knows that I love sunsets that much. And He speaks my language.

I returned home knowing that we must proceed with the purchase of the home. For whatever reason, we needed to move our family to this particular place.

After this great dilemma, my family had a pretty good time mocking / joking with me about my fissure worries. And it was ok, because I vowed to them that every year we survived the great fissure, we would have a celebration like no other.

And now, in our little family, February is Fissure Fest month at our house. And we have just experienced our first Fissure Fest, which- as we have said before- was a smashing success. We even had a raffle.

And we look forward to many fissure-free years on our little piece of heaven, where we continue to have an excellent view of the sunsets.

Zipping

Our house is full of anxious electricity in anticipation of our mucho grande party this coming weekend. Plans are pretty much zipped up. Now for the execution of those plans.

There will be a full report on that later. But for now, let me share something a little personal. In preparation for our celebration, I went on a few errands today. And I was rocking a new pair of pants- ones that are 6 sizes smaller than what I was wearing a couple months ago. Six sizes. But, that's not the personal part. Hang on, it gets better.

I was feeling pretty good on the endurance front as I zipped around town- a few towns, actually- getting what we needed for our grand occasion. I totally made great time, too. And I was focused, just getting what I needed (like glow bracelets and patio chairs and signage and stuff) with no extra perusing of the stores, which takes loads of self-control. And although I needed to use the restroom, I held it and continued- because, ick, public restrooms.

This is where it gets personal (and better). As soon as I returned home my first stop was the bathroom. I admit I was worried if I would make it or not. Well, guess what? I must have been thinking ahead this morning, because my zipper was already down- I hadn't ever zipped it up 6 hours before, prolly anticipating that I would need to skip a step once I returned from my errands. I love how I help myself out like that.

So, I was all over towns and in and out of stores with my fly down. All morning. And no one said a word. I'm hoping my shirt was covering it most of the time. I can't even remember the last time I forgot to zip my pants. Maybe when I was, I don't know, like eleven.

Anyway, can't wait for the party. Good thing our plans are pretty much zipped up. Wish I could say the same for my {smaller} pants.

night music

it's late. i just finished a long soak in the tub with a good book. once the water started getting a little cold, i got out and dressed in warm pajamas.

i made my way to my family room, which is the most central location in my house, and hopped on the computer to send out a couple emails. as i sat drafting an email, i paused to listen to the sounds of my nighttime abode, so that i could fully inhale the night music emanating from the halls: the breathing of my slumbering family, the whirring of the refrigerator and the ticking of the clocks.

i found myself enchanted by the rhythm of my sleepy house. this is part of the soundtrack of my life. i am often up late after my family finds sleep. i love the peace and the quiet. i love to have time to myself where no one is needing me. i love to have a little time to ponder on my day.

it's late, and i love that my family is providing the background music to one of my most favorite times of the day.

All in a Sunday Afternoon

the husband and i were enjoying a quiet moment snuggled on our bed today, discussing life and all that comes with it. i was listening as he was trusting me with some of the deep feelings in his beautiful heart. i couldn't help but look at him in wonder as i listened to his intense emotions, something i love about him: he feels deeply and wholly. and once again, i was drawn into his soul- a place that feels like home. comfortable. familiar.

as we talked, soul to soul, we were intermittently interrupted by little people whom we kept shooing out of our room. for some reason, the little people just didn't get that we wanted to be left alone for just 5 minutes.

as soon as they were sent away, they would return moments later to report on the current catastrophe caused by brother or sister. there might have been some scratching involved between siblings. the kind that leaves marks. and maybe some pushing. and then there was the crashing of the ds on the tile. and our moment was interrupted again. time-outs were handed out, toys confiscated, and mom and dad returned to the sanctuary of their bedroom to conclude the deep heart to heart.

as we continued our discussion, feeling confident that the time-outs would be an effective means of confining children to their rooms, one little son snuck quietly into our bedroom. he had obviously been discussing the events of the last few minutes with his older sister, when he innocently questioned:

"so... what you're saying is that one of us has to run away?"

the first thought that came to my mind?

"yeah, i'm thinking mom or dad."

Growing

January is done. Over. Gone.

January was a month of growth. Little son turned five. He is not the four-est any more. Now, he is the five-est. And we love having a five year old around the house again. Now begins registration for Kindergarten. What will I do without my little shadow and talk-box around all the time? Good thing I don't have to worry about that til July.

January was also a month of running all over the place. And soccer. And meetings. And events. A month of only a few seconds to catch my breath before I was off to the next calendared event.

So far, it seems like February is up to the challenge. It has sprinted out of the starter blocks and looks to give January a run for its money. And already, good things have happened. And I am feeling blessed beyond anything I deserve.

I grew in January- and shrunk. I left a few more pounds behind and felt my spirit bulging. I love that feeling. I was fortunate enough to sit in on a number of powerful meetings and felt my testimony of the gospel of Jesus Christ expand. I had some amazing insights as I studied from the scriptures and pondered on the application in my life, today. And of course, the husband and I grew together as we discovered how to be the best parents we can be. I love being married to this man! How did one girl ever get so lucky?

In January I learned some new things about myself. It was a month of self-discovery. A month of reflecting upon who I am and who I truly want to be.

January was a month of re-dedication to my church responsibilities and a month of added inspiration as to how to go about serving in the best way I can that will benefit those I associate with in my responsibilities. I am excited about what I have learned and where I have been directed. Good things are ahead. I can feel it.

January is over. Gone.

Thank you, January for teaching me that I want to look back at the close of each month this year and find that I have grown. (and shrunk)